As parents we want to do what is best for your children.
We define best as what we assume to be best from our own understanding and our own reality. We have our own benchmarks of what is good and what is best. We want the best. The best only. Clearly. But I shall put this question to you:
How do we know what is best for them?
How can one person ever know what is right for another person?
How, when we all live in our own realities?
So let’s do a bit of a self-assessment, shall we?
Is your parenting based entirely on and centered around what you think is the right way?
Do you ask yourself questions like “Who’s in charge here?” and tell your children what do to a lot?
Is your agenda more important than your children’s agenda?
Do you take things too personally?
Do you feel the need to micromanage and control?
If the answer to those questions is yes, you are guilty as charged!
Guilty, my friend! ( I am clearly a parenting expert as you can see here and here.
You are parenting your Ego.
Your Ego is on the loose. It has a hold on your parenting and it needs to be reigned the fuck in.
Get that harness ready, because, I got news for you:
Egos are the uninvited guests of parenthood.
Don’t worry. It happens to the best of us. The key is to become aware of it. It takes strength and consciousness to be able to leave your ego behind, to trust yourself as a parent, and then most importantly trust your children.
Egos can be a bitch. Fact.
They stand in the way of effective parenting. Fact. (Pop over to this for more on effective parenting)
Our ego wants us to believe that (because this child burst forth from our loins and also, clearly, we are more mature) we know more about life than they do. So we call the shots. “As long as your feet are under my table…” sound familiar?
And here is the thing: in an ideal world, parenting shouldn’t be about us. It shouldn’t be about us trying to raise kids that make a perfect addition to our own value system and self worth; to raise children that fit in so perfectly into our picture perfect. It shouldn’t be about raising children who are eagerly trying to please us in the hope to make us proud. Projecting your own life problems, ego and insecurity onto your kids? Come on! Hands up! We all have done it. (Don’t leave a sister hanging!)
If our ego is running the parenting show, always using what we want and feel is right as the gauge, how can our children get to know their inner selves? Their desires? Their own needs and wants?
They can’t. Right.
Chances are they may end up living their lives disconnected from themselves and become people pleasers instead. And we sure as hell don’t want that!
We lay the foundations and give them guidance. We teach them self-awareness, emotional understanding and the ability to learn from feedback, so they can develop the ability to know themselves. But they have to – and will – figure things out for themselves. Let them. This takes trust. In yourself and in your child.
With trust we will be able to watch our children thrive on their own and in their own way. Love and embrace our children for who they are.
We can only ever know what is right for ourselves.
What we think is right for our child, may well not be right for the child at all.
We want to allow your children to become the people they are destined to be. And in order to do that, put that harness on your Ego.
For everything we say and do as parents, we should ask ourselves “Who is this for? Me or my child?” Get their input.
Our children’s responses to us as parents must be pure.
Pure from the heart.
Untainted by what they may think we want to hear.
That’s when you have succeeded.
(Can I get some confetti up in here?)
Begin today and join me in this journey.
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